if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
