I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
