Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
