we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
