it was like his penis was on wheels.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
