apparently the secret to your success is patron
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
