I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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