Ketchup is God's man juice
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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