He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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