shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Boobs speak an international language.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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