i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
