I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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