you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
