its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
