u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
