Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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