Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
