it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
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