I wish I could teleport
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
