you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
