We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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