just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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