oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
