She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
