dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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