Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
