Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
this is an emotional support booty call
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
