the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize