just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
