not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
