It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
My bed smells like the plague
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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