I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
