She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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