I bet he comes in French.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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