I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize