And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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