i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
