So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
