Tell her she can't have a vagina
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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