this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
