my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
