Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
