I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize
