I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Randomize
