he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
