Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
