we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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