I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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