I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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