exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Randomize
