Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
