dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
