I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She's the barista slut.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
