I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
