if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
