yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
