im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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