Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Randomize
