Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Sext me about skeletons
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
