Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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