Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
