areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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