dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
honey bunches of taint.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
