I'm gonna have a badass scar
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
